Sports Notes, 3/25/07

-- Kerry Wood and Mark Prior are already flirting with the disabled list. In other news, the sun rose in the east this morning, this year’s Christmas celebration will be on Dec. 25, and Generalisimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

-- Don’t tell anyone I told you this, but Mike Conley Jr. has been more valuable to Ohio State’s run at the championship than Greg Oden has.

-- Of course, if ANYONE the Buckeyes have played could hit a free throw, we wouldn’t even be having this discussion. Who knew you could ride free-throw defense to the Final Four?

-- Here’s a prop bet for the Vegas junkies: Which will end the season higher, the St. Louis Cardinals’ team batting average or their manager’s BAC?

-- Honestly, Tony La Russa, I think I’m more embarrassed for you that you passed out with a BAC of .093 than that you were caught driving drunk. I mean, it wasn’t that long ago that .093 wasn’t even considered drunk.

-- DePaul came within a point of the Final Four in the NIT. I don’t have a funny line here or anything; it’s just that if I didn’t tell you, you wouldn't have known.

-- Speaking of the NIT, former Iowa coach Steve Alford has left the Hawkeyes to coach New Mexico. They should all be very happy together.

-- And speaking of coaching changes, it turns out that wintering in Minnesota is less agonizing than being fired at Kentucky. Who knew?

-- OK, this one’s a little off-topic, but ... I don’t know which is funnier to me: that there’s a learning-disabled chimpanzee running around out there, or that some wiseapple saw fit to name him Knuckles.

-- Lastly … I don’t expect anyone to care, but if Florida and Georgetown win today, I’ll have the whole Final Four correct in my pool for the first time EVER! Go me!!!

Sports Notes, 3/18/07

-- That silence you’re hearing is the sound of all the points Illinois has still scored since the 4:28 mark Friday night.

-- What I’m about to say, I mean purely in the figurative sense, and I do feel that I have to clarify with this team: The best way to describe what happened Friday night is that Illinois was cruising along the highway, and then fell asleep at the wheel.

-- The worst part about all of this is, now I have to turn around and root for Virginia Tech today, because everybody else in my pool has SIU in the Sweet 16 and I drank enough Kool-Aid to put the Illini there.

-- How’d you like to be the guy whose job it is to try to make Tank Johnson his bitch?

-- “Excuse me, Mr. Tank? Is there any way that you could … you know … sort of, remove your trousers and assume the position?” Gulp.

-- I am the CEO of Kevin Schweitzer. But then again, nobody else really wants the job, and even I sometimes daydream of outsourcing and going for CEO of Doughnuts.

-- Hey, Scott Pollard: Do a book sometime. You might have something interesting to say.

-- Michigan finally gave up on its nice-guy coach. Do you think it was something I said?

-- As terrible as the Blackhawks have been once again this season, at least we can say that they’re beating the teams they’re supposed to. Unfortunately, that list starts and ends with the Los Angeles Kings.

Illinois' Intriguing NCAA Draw

Illinois vs. Virginia Tech is a very interesting game in its own right for several reasons. And we’ll get to that in a moment. But what’s even more eye-catching is what waits down the road.

The winner of the Illinois-Va Tech game will likely get Southern Illinois, which will be a grudge match in any case. The Hokies would be looking for revenge against the Salukis, who beat them by 5 earlier this season. The Salukis would be looking for a little revenge and a lot of bragging rights against the Illini, who stole the very capable coach Bruce Weber from Southern and who get the lion’s share of the attention, money, and recruits in the state.

The NCAA loves to set up these kind of story-line matchups, particularly in the first and second rounds. But normally it seems that once the Sweet 16 is set, the tournament becomes all about basketball and not about drama.

Not quite so in the West region this year. On the chance – and a pretty realistic one – that Illinois beats little-brother school Southern, the top seed in the neighboring quadrant of the draw is every Illini fan’s favorite villain, Bill Self and his Kansas Jayhawks.

This pairing would have been fun in any of the last four years, but it might be at its sweetest this season. Because Kansas is unquestionably the more talented team by a large margin, Illinois has nothing to lose. If the Illini go down in flames, then Kansas merely won a game it was supposed to win. If Weber outcoaches Self to pull the upset, it would be the most glaring evidence yet that Self’s abrupt departure from Champaign after a scant three years did nothing but harm his career and benefit the Illinois program.

In fact, Jayhawk nation just might tell our boy Bill to “rock, chalk, go the fuck home” after what would be the latest in a string of disappointing tournament results.

But first we have to get past Virgina Tech. Yes, Virginia Tech …

Now seriously, these guys are a 5 seed? I guess it’s not just ESPN that sorely overrates the ACC. Virgina Tech has an RPI of 27, according to collegerpi.com. UNLV (10 RPI; 7 seed), Kentucky (11; 8), Arizona (13; 8), Villanova (18; 9), Marquette (24, 8) and several other non-ACC schools are all rated higher and seeded at least two spots lower. I understand that the seedings don’t and shouldn’t follow the RPI exactly, but Va Tech jumped over more than half a dozen schools.

Anyway, that’s not important. What is, is whether the Illini can beat them. As if it wasn’t enough that the NCAA selection committee actually gave us a neutral ACC-Big Ten challenge, without Dickie V’s thumb on the scale, this game is also an intriguing matchup strictly from a basketball standpoint.

The teams are evenly matched. They each beat Iowa by 4 on their home courts; Illinois also lost to Iowa in Iowa City. Illinois lost at home by to Maryland in a game that the was even closer than the 6-point victory margin indicated; Va Tech beat Maryland at home, but needed overtime to do it. Illinois beat an MVC team (Bradley), but barely; Virginia Tech lost to an MVC team (Southern Illinois), but it was a close game, and Tech was playing the far-better team.

Furthermore, Va Tech gets it done with guard play; while Illinois has a very tough guard in Chester Frazier, of late the inside game has really been establishing itself, so there will be contrasting styles in this game as well. I expect that Virginia Tech will be favored by 2 or 2.5 points, but I definitely think that if Illinois is hitting its outside shots, the Illini can win comfortably.

As for the rest of the Big Ten …

Ohio State: I see the Buckeyes very possibly heading for the Finals against Florida in a rematch of the BCS football championship. I still haven’t decided who I think will win.

Wisconsin: The Badgers shouldn’t have any trouble gliding into the Elite Eight, but they don’t have the firepower to hang with Florida.

Michigan State: Sparty should get past Marquette, but will bow out against North Carolina.

Indiana: Some experts are looking ahead to a Gonzaga-UCLA rematch, but I think the Hoosiers should dispatch of the Bulldogs in their down year fairly easily. Indiana will lose in the second round, though.

Purdue: It should be a high-scoring game against Arizona, but the Wildcats will hit a few more shots in the end.

Off-The-Cuff Final Four Picks

Ohio State, Florida, UCLA, Georgetown; the Buckeyes get back at the Gators for the football fiasco. (Didn't take me long to decide, did it?) Don’t hold me to these picks, though.

Big Ten Tournament Preview

So we’re at the 10th Big Ten tournament. An event that was met with heavy suspicion when it started is now one of the highlights of the year for Big Ten fans.

Remember back in the day, when you could reasonably expect Illinois to have a chance to win the whole thing, just like you could reasonably expect the tournament to be in Chicago most of the time? Well, neither of those things is on the horizon. After this weekend the tourney moves to Indianapolis for the next five years, and this Illinois team doesn’t have the horses to give their fans a championship as a going-away present.

But the Illini still have the most wins, the most games played, the highest winning percentage, the most semifinal appearances and the most final appearances in the tournament’s history. Illinois is also tied for the most titles (Michigan State and Iowa also have two each), and entered this tourney with the most No. 1 seeds (3), although Ohio State has now tied that mark.

At least none of those marks should be in jeopardy. Here’s how I see it all shaking out …

FIRST ROUND

-- No. 8 Michigan vs. No. 9 Minnesota: Michigan has been up and down in this tournament over the years, but Minnesota is Minnesota. Michigan.

-- No. 7 Michigan State vs. No. 10 Northwestern: Something tells me Tom Izzo doesn’t like having to play on Thursday. He takes out his wrath on some ‘Cats, and there’s a lesson in there for us all. Michigan State.

-- No. 6 Illinois vs. No. 11 Penn State: The Lions might make the first half interesting if they come to play, but the Illini have looked like they’ve figured each other out in the last half of the conference season. Illinois.

QUARTERFINALS

-- No. 1 Ohio State vs. No. 8 Michigan: Michigan will have something to prove after blowing a lead late in the season against the Buckeyes. And they still think they have a shot at the NCAA tournament. If that program would finally give up on its nice-guy coach, this is exactly the kind of game they could win. Ohio State.

-- No. 4 Iowa vs. No. 5 Purdue: Iowa is one of several teams that is 2-0 all time in this tournament vs. Purdue, which has one only one game since making the finals of the very first tournament. But the real story is, this one isn’t in West Lafayette. Iowa.

-- No. 2 Wisconsin vs. No. 7 Michigan State: Bo Ryan will have his boys ready to play, but the seesaw of this series will tip back to the Spartans on a neutral site. Michigan State.

-- No. 3 Indiana vs. No. 6 Illinois: Few things are more satisfying to an Illinois fan than the way Illinois has owned the Hoosiers in this tournament. We beat them when we’re the better team; we beat them when they’re the better team; we beat them when the teams are even. Illinois is 4-1 against Indiana, and those four wins are the most by one team against another in this event. The domination continues here. Illinois.

SEMIFINALS

-- No. 1 Ohio State vs. No. 4 Iowa: Steve Alford is a great Big Ten tournament coach. Greg Oden is a better Gigantor. Ohio State.

-- No. 6 Illinois vs. No. 7 Michigan State: Y’know, there was a time when this was a Finals matchup two straight years. Of course, MSU won both of them, so maybe that wasn’t so great. Illinois (0-3) finally breaks through and beats Sparty for the first time in this tournament. Illinois.

FINALS

-- No. 1 Ohio State vs. No. 6 Illinois: I really, really, really want to pick Illinois in the upset. I want to believe they can sleigh the giant (figuratively, not literally ... well, except for the giant part -- he’s literally a giant ... but ... oh, forget it; you know what I mean). Anyhoo … the point here is, despite what I said in a recent Evite to my euchere friends, I can’t for the life of me figure out how they would actually do it. Ohio State.

Check in throughout the week and see how I’m doing! And don’t forget to leave your nasty comments about the ones I got wrong.

Sports Notes, 3/4/07

Yep, I’m back, sort of. I have to quit working so much.

-- Sorry, Santo, but when your greatest statistic is Number Of Fans Who Love You, you’re not qualified for the Baseball Hall of Fame. I just wish there were a People Hall of Fame; you would be a first-ballot lock.

-- The fans at Carver-Hawkeye Arena yesterday were chanting “I-L-L … D-U-I” during the Iowa-Illinios game. Cute. Of course, I don’t know that I would make fun of other people’s driving records if my team once had a player who couldn’t get out of the way of a snowplow in an empty parking lot, but that’s just me.

-- What, too soon?

-- Nice job by the BEARS to pony up the dough for Lovie Smith. As soon as Mike Ditka gets his expected promotion to God, Lovie will be the most popular coach in this town.

-- OK, so I'm not the biggest Bill Self fan who ever lived, but even I can draw a line somewhere. To wit:
Buying Bucknell T-Shirts After His First-Round NCAA Loss To Wear The Next Time Kansas Comes To Town = Hilarious.

Throwing Live Chickens At His Players = Not So Much.Kansas State, please try to be more like your brother Missouri in the future.

-- The Chicago Rush begin defending their Arena championship today (yeah, I had no idea either), and ESPN is intent on shoving this league down our throats. If this works for Arena Football after it failed for hockey, I give up on people.

-- One hot NFL rumor has Randy Moss going to the Green Bay Packers. It probably won’t happen, but it sure would be fun to have him back in the NFC North so the BEARS’ DBs could once again batter him into doing his alligator-arm routine.