Vikings 20, BEARS 13, To The Best Of My Recollection

So, here’s the story, sports fans. Seeing as how the BEARS were out of it even before last night’s game, and seeing as how I had some friends celebrating their birthdays, I ended up watching the game in a bar with no sound, instead of in my normal position of prone on my couch, paradoxically in rapt attention. (I did TiVo the game to catch up on the details, but then I thought … nah.)

Anyway, here’s what I could glean:

Kyle Orton is not the answer. That’s OK, since no one really expected him to be the answer. But because the BEARS have so many other glaring needs, it would have been nice if Orton had somehow magically metamorphosed into an actual NFL quarterback.

Still, it was the right decision to give him a chance, because he’s the only one of the three quarterbacks it even remotely makes sense for the BEARS to keep around next year.

The BEARS offense is very, very bad. At one point in the third quarter, Brandon McGowen came up with what seemed like it could have been a key interception. Then I was talking to someone for what I swear couldn’t have been more than 30 seconds, and then I looked back up at the TV, and the Vikings were on offense again. Apparently, the three-and-outs were coming around a lot quicker than our server last night.

Along those same lines, a Colts fan friend of mine pointed out that Devin Hester with a quarterback the caliber of Peyton Manning would be a deadly combination. Teams couldn’t afford to kick “safely” and wind up putting the BEARS on their own 40-yard-line, because, as the Colts fan pointed out, Manning would put the ball in the end zone on every damn drive with that short a field.

Someone else suggested trading Hester for the entire Colts’ offensive line, and as old as the BEARS line is getting, that actually didn’t sound like such a bad deal -- until you realize that the BEARS still wouldn’t have a quarterback and running back to block for.

When healthy and playing at their peak, the BEARS defense is still pretty darn formidable. “Healthy” and “playing at peak” are two things the BEARS defense definitely have not been this year.

The BEARS just suck. This is the NFL, guys. Let’s see a little effort.